请选择 进入手机版 | 继续访问电脑版
设为首页收藏本站

一起SAT论坛

 找回密码
 立即注册

QQ登录

只需一步,快速开始

更多»
搜索
热搜: 活动 交友 discuz
查看: 1374|回复: 1

(评分3-2-3)Let there be dark

[复制链接]

3

主题

3

帖子

1173

积分

付费学员

Rank: 3Rank: 3

积分
1173
发表于 2020-5-17 08:29:06 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
In a short article, “Let There be Dark,” the author,  Paul Bogard argues why the natural darkness should be preserved. The lack of darkness in the night sky is a big problem today. He argues this problem by various methods such as his personal story and evidence.

Bogard begins his argument with his personal story for the readers to feel connected to him. He explains how the woods were so dark that his hands disappeared before his eyes when he was a child. He added this information to let readers bring out the memories of their old days when they could see the perfect night sky. He worries how the night sky has changed brighter from when he was a child to today.

He proves how dark in the night sky is important by explaining the result of the World Health Organization’s research: “our bodies need darkness to produce the hormone melatonin.” He also includes how darkness is important for certain animals. He supports that without darkness, people would not have a good night sleep or Earth’s ecology would collapse. Even though it would be inconvenient if the sky was too dark, the benefits exceeded the  disadvantages. He adds this information to warn readers that lack of darkness can also affect their own health.

He further argues that the amount of light in the sky increases an average of about 6% every year according to NASA photographs. He is feeling the sense of crisis by saying, “What was a very dark country as recently as the 1950s is now nearly covered with a blanket of light.” He is sensing that it will be difficult to get back the darkness that Bogard was accustomed to seeing when he was a child. He worries that his children or grandchildren would never get to see what Bogard sees at all in the future.

However, he establishes a solution to solve this light pollution problem. That is to change the streetlights to LED. Other places begin to turn off the lightings after midnight.

He tries to save the world - make the world beautiful again - by arguing the importance of darkness from various perspectives.
回复

使用道具 举报

176

主题

359

帖子

1万

积分

管理员

Rank: 9Rank: 9Rank: 9

积分
12429
发表于 2020-5-17 17:27:22 | 显示全部楼层
In a short article, “Let There be Dark,” the author, (关系紧密,无需逗号) Paul Bogard argues why the natural darkness should be preserved. The lack of darkness in the night sky is a big problem today. He argues this problem by various methods such as his personal story and evidence.首段揭示主旨并点明你要分析的三个视角。The author argues that natural darkness should be preserved bacause.... He builds his argument by ...

Bogard begins his argument with his personal story for the readers to feel connected to him. (主体段落首句先不着急写作用,点明角度及其具体内容即可)He explains how the woods were so dark that his hands disappeared before his eyes when he was a child. He added this information to let readers bring out the memories of their old days when they could see the perfect night sky. He worries how the night sky has changed brighter from when he was a child to today.(He challenges the audience to recall their childhood without too much artificial light.)
未深入分析该实例与作者主旨的关系。

He proves how dark(darkness) in the night sky is important by explaining the result of the World Health Organization’s research(research of WHO): “our bodies need darkness to produce the hormone melatonin.” He also includes how darkness is important(significant注意替换用词) for certain animals. He supports that without darkness, people would not have a good night sleep or Earth’s ecology would collapse. Even though it would be inconvenient if the sky was too dark, the benefits exceeded the  disadvantages. He adds this information to warn readers that lack of darkness can also affect their own health.
本段首句要先说许多确凿证据,后面再展开说一个是人体健康的。。。另一个是生态系统的。。。分析要有条理性。

He further argues that the amount of light in the sky increases an average of about 6% every year according to NASA photographs. He is feeling the sense of(删去) crisis by saying, “What was a very dark country as recently as the 1950s is now nearly covered with a blanket of light.” He is sensing that it will be difficult to get back the darkness(表意不清) that Bogard was accustomed to seeing when he was a child. He worries that his children or grandchildren would never get to see what Bogard sees at all in the future.
首句仍旧没有点明本段从哪个角度分析,上来就引用文章数据;后面又提到blanket of light,这个属于修辞手法。

However, he establishes a solution to solve this light pollution problem. That is to change the streetlights to LED. Other places begin to turn off the lightings after midnight.分析完三个角度就不要多此一举写解决办法了,后面也没展开说明,此段删去。

He tries to save the world - make the world beautiful again - by arguing the importance of darkness from various perspectives. 末端重述中心观点和三个分析视角



阅读:3分;分析:2分;写作:3分
能理解主旨,但是缺乏重要细节与主旨的关联;字数不足,分析缺乏角度和证据的相互支撑;表达有些地方表意不清,缺乏句式多样性。
建议课后记忆课堂笔记及范文例句,多加修改和练习,加油!
回复 支持 反对

使用道具 举报

您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册 一键登录: 更多»

本版积分规则

QQ|权利声明|小黑屋|手机版|Archiver|一起SAT论坛 ( 闽ICP备16038975号  

GMT+8, 2021-4-11 11:05 , Processed in 0.116468 second(s), 30 queries .

Powered by Discuz! X3.2

© 2001-2013 Comsenz Inc.

快速回复 返回顶部 返回列表