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(评分4-3-3)作文-讲义-Let There be Dark

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发表于 2020-2-8 20:07:43 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
With the artificial light being indispensable to people’s lives today, Paul Bogard asserts that natural darkness should be preserved in the article “Let There Be Dark”. He utilizes personal anecdotes, logical reasoning, rhetorical questions and persuasive appeals to not only reinforce  the significance of darkness on human health, ecology, art and energy resources, but also convince his audience to make a difference in reducing light pollution and thus appreciate the beauty of the darkness.

Bogard begins by sharing his childhood memory which brims with dark skies and shining stars while 80% of the American children now could only see the neon lights and bright nights. He emphasizes the beauty of the dark nights in the past and contrastively implicits the pity of losing the darkness in today’s world. To alert public the value of the darkness, Bogard shows the study of authorized organizations that human body needs darkness to produce hormones which can inhibit cancers. Furthermore, the artificial lights from our tablets and mobile phones affects our sleeping quality and then leads to many chronic diseases. In ecology, statistical evidence from his passage indicates that the endless artificial light disrupts the natural habitats of 400 species of birds, sea turtles and bats which account for 80% of flora pollination in the world. By laying out the facts and correlations, Bogard enhances his credibility to his audience and supports his claim that darkness should be preserved as it balances the ecosystem and is related to our daily healthcare.

Next, Bogard points out that darkness gives people inspirations towards life, art and literature. In the rhetorical questions, the author intends to evoke agreement that dark nights enrich many great works and contributes to the development of a religion or a culture. Moreover, Bogard uses phrases such as “each of us”and “our children or grandchildren” to make the readers be involved and appeals to emotion as themselves or their future generations are affected.

In spite of the benefits that the darkness bring, still “our nights are growing brighter” .His careful choice of words makes the irony effective. Bogard alludes that the increasing usage of light over the years wastes both energy and money. Bogard then uses a personification to describe the decrease of the dark night and evoke a sense of disappointment. “The northern lake” where Bogard spends his childhood is given human’s characteristic to see the “darkness diminish”. In this way, Bogard shares a common feeling that the darkness is disappearing as “the northern lake” represents not only Bogard himself but also whoever grown up in this developing world.

After addressing the problems of darkness diminishing, Bogard changes to a positive attitude towards light pollution as he convinces his audience that it is solvable within our ability. He also illustrate that there are effective measurements to reduce the light usage in several primary cities. The examples listed by Bogard ensure his audience to appreciate the effort done by the society. Hence, the public are aware of the importance of the dark night and tend to take actions themselves to preserve the darkness.

Bogard closes his essay with a negative sentence which actually remind people of the value and beauty of the darkness. The whole passage contains logical reasons, personal experience, persuasive expressions and concrete evidence which support his argument effectively and persuade his audience to preserve the natural darkness.

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 楼主| 发表于 2020-2-8 20:15:17 | 显示全部楼层
这里的第一二段分明不是特别清楚,声明一下第二段是从第9行开始的(Bogard begins...)
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发表于 2020-2-8 20:59:17 | 显示全部楼层
With the artificial light being indispensable to people’s lives today, Paul Bogard asserts that natural darkness should be preserved in the article “Let There Be Dark”. He utilizes personal anecdotes, logical reasoning, rhetorical questions and persuasive appeals to not only reinforce  the significance of darkness on human health, ecology, art and energy resources, but also convince his audience to make a difference in(表意不清,take measures?) reducing light pollution and thus appreciate the beauty of the darkness(删去).
Bogard begins by sharing his childhood memory which brims with dark skies and shining stars while 80% of the American children now could only see the neon lights and bright nights. He emphasizes the beauty of the dark nights in the past and contrastively(contrasting) implicits(这是形容词,删去) the pity(regret) of losing the darkness in today’s world. To alert the public the value of the darkness, Bogard shows the study of authorized organizations that human body needs darkness to produce hormones which can inhibit cancers. Furthermore, the artificial lights from our tablets and mobile phones affects our sleeping quality and then leads to many chronic diseases. In ecology, statistical evidence from his passage indicates that the endless artificial light disrupts the natural habitats of 400 species of birds, sea turtles and bats which account for 80% of flora pollination in the world. By laying out the facts and correlations, Bogard enhances his credibility to his audience and supports his claim that darkness should be preserved as it balances the ecosystem and is related to our daily healthcare. (此段前半段是anecdote,后半段是concrete examples,既然开头段提到anecdote,就要专门一段来写)
Next, Bogard points out that darkness gives people inspirations towards life, art and literature. In the rhetorical questions(需引用或概括点明修辞问句的内容), the author intends to evoke agreement that dark nights enrich many great works and contributes to the development of a religion or a culture. Moreover, Bogard uses phrases such as “each of us”and “our children or grandchildren” to make the readers be involved and appeals to(appeal to the reader's ) emotion as themselves(需添加they,反身单词不能单独充当主语) or their future generations are affected.
In spite of the benefits that the darkness bring, still “our nights are growing brighter” .His careful choice of words makes the irony effective. Bogard alludes to the fact that the increasing usage of light over the years wastes both energy and money. Bogard then uses a personification to describe the decrease of the dark night and evoke a sense of disappointment. “The northern lake” where Bogard spends his childhood is given human’s characteristic to see the “darkness diminish”. In this way, Bogard shares a common feeling that the darkness is disappearing as “the northern lake” represents not only Bogard himself but also whoever grown up in this developing world.
After addressing the problems of darkness diminishing, Bogard changes to a positive attitude towards light pollution as he convinces his audience that it is solvable within our ability. He also illustrate(加s) that there are effective measurements(measures) to reduce the light usage(删去) in several primary cities. The examples listed by Bogard ensure his audience to appreciate the effort done by the society(efforts). Hence, the public is aware of the importance of the dark night and tend to take actions themselves to preserve the darkness. 末句多余
Bogard closes his essay with a negative sentence which actually remind(加s) people of the value and beauty of the darkness. The whole passage contains logical reasons, personal experience, persuasive expressions and concrete evidence which support his argument effectively and persuade his audience to preserve the natural darkness.

能彻底理解文章主旨及细节,但是分析时段首提到personal anecdotes, logical reasoning, rhetorical questions,主体段落逐一分析就好,不需要面面俱到全部分析,否则分析不够深入且主体段落显得有点乱。有些许语法错误。
阅读:4分;分析:3分;写作:3分

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