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(评分3-3-3)作文 OG P954

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发表于 2019-8-23 07:54:59 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
         In regard of the Parthenon and its sculptures, Arthur Christopher Hitchens effectively builds an argument to persuade his audience that the original Parthenon sculptures should be returned to Greece by presenting the history of the sculptures, citing data and most importantly appealing to pathos.
        Christopher Hitchens starts off his article by telling the audience the history of Parthenon, for example, it was closed and desolate five centuries after the birth of Christianity and the Acropolis was made to fly a Nazi flag during the German occupation of Athens. These historic facts gain sympathy from the audience. By stating the disasters it went through, it helps Hitchens compare the Parthenon back then and now, strengthen his argument that the Acropolis should become his full form to show everyone its beauty.
        Hitchens’ argument is also furthered by his use of data - it had a series of 92 high-relief panels, 192 equestrian warriors and auxiliaries. It shows the audience how splendid and spectacular Parthenon is. These numbers picture a perfect looking Acropolis that triggers the audience curiosity, making them interested in the Parthenon in full form.
        Finally, Hitchens makes efficient use of rhetorical questioning to persuade his audience that the original Parthenon sculptures. By comparing the sculptures to  Mona Lisa, Hitchens asks the audience do they want to see Mona Lisa in one piece if it was separated and acquired by the different museum. Then immediately Hitchens pointed out that the body of goddess Iris is at present in London while her head is in Athens. The front part of the torso of Poseidon is in London and the rear part is in Athens. It was obvious that people want to see sculptures reunite.
        By efficiently using data and history of the sculptures, and a powerful rhetorical question. Christopher Hitchens successfully persuade his audience that the sculptures of the Parthenon should be returned to Athens.



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发表于 2019-8-24 19:37:21 | 显示全部楼层
In regard of the Parthenon and its sculptures, Arthur Christopher Hitchens effectively builds an argument to persuade his audience that the original Parthenon sculptures should be returned to Greece by presenting the history of the sculptures, citing data and most importantly appealing to pathos.
        Christopher Hitchens starts off his article by telling the audience the history of Parthenon, for example,(不能连接两个句子) it was closed and desolate five centuries after the birth of Christianity and the Acropolis was made to fly a Nazi flag during the German occupation of Athens. These historic facts gain(arouse) sympathy from the audience. By stating the disasters it went through, it(逻辑主语指代不清) helps Hitchens compare the Parthenon back then and now, strengthen his argument that the Acropolis should become his full form to show everyone its beauty. 历史证据概括不够全面,分析的时候关键要跟它的美好形成鲜明对比,否则容易就是论事。
        Hitchens’ argument is also furthered by his use of data - it had a series of 92 high-relief panels, 192 equestrian warriors and auxiliaries. It shows the audience how splendid and spectacular Parthenon is. These numbers picture a perfect looking Acropolis that triggers the audience curiosity, making them interested in the Parthenon in full form. 数据的作用比如增强说服力并没有提及。本文数据其实不多,不太容易深入分析,建议选取descriptive words的角度
        Finally, Hitchens makes efficient use of rhetorical questioning to persuade his audience that the original Parthenon sculptures. By comparing the sculptures to  Mona Lisa, Hitchens asks the audience do(if) they want to see Mona Lisa in one piece if it was separated and acquired by the different museum. Then immediately Hitchens pointed out that the body of goddess Iris is at present in London while her head is in Athens. The front part of the torso of Poseidon is in London and the rear part is in Athens. It was obvious that people want to see sculptures reunite. 并未分析如何影响读者思考和产生共鸣等
        By efficiently using data and history of the sculptures, and a powerful rhetorical question. Christopher Hitchens successfully persuade his audience that the sculptures of the Parthenon should be returned to Athens.

本文结构清晰,但重要细节概括不够全面,分析比较浅,存在一些语病。阅读:3分;分析:3分;写作:3分
建议参考let there be dark的范文进行补充和修改。

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