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(评分3-2-3)作文 OG p1214 space technologya criticle investment……

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发表于 2019-8-5 08:58:43 来自手机 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
Bobby Braun persuade his audience that the US government must continue to invest in NASA by building his argument in a few different ways. Bobby Braun states the benefits of space technology research, connect to audience and appeals to pathos.
By stating the benefits of space technology research as “a strong component of our national fabric and is the largest positive contributor to our nation’s trade balance” indicate the importance of aerospace. It convince the audience that they must perform or invest in research to strengthen the country. Moreover, Bobby also convince his audience by presenting NASA’s past projects, for example the Apollo missions, the space shuttle and the International Space Station to impress the audience further and compare to today’s NASA. This further persuade audience that they must do something.
Bobby Braun’s argument is also strengthened by connecting to the audience.he called the younger generation that studying science at school and the people working for NASA at this moment the key ingredient to our country's future and America’s technological leadership position in the world. This inspired the nationalism inside audiences’ heart, they acknowledge the fact that the whole country’s future counting on them, causing them to devote in aerospace research. Not only the students and researchers he is targeting to, he also informs other people that a lot of the technology we are using today like cameras, computers, solar and wind energy and even transportation are benefited from our nation’s investments in aerospace technology.
Most importantly, Bobby appeals to pathos, he challenges the audience by quoting a young president’s challenge nearly 50 years ago, “organize and measure the best of our energies and skills”. Indicating that NASA made a lasting imprint on the economic, national security and geopolitical landscape of the time. We have to keep up the good work to prove our ancestors that we can do the same today. It is why NASA was built and we can do better.
We can still do great according to Bobby Braun, the younger generation, researchers have to show why NASA was built and are able to work for the best of our nation.
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发表于 2019-8-5 17:11:25 | 显示全部楼层
Bobby Braun persuade(加s) his audience that the US government must continue to invest in NASA by building his argument in a few different ways. Bobby Braun states the benefits of space technology research, connect to audience(此处须交代你的三个分析视角,比如二三两段的contrast,首末两句的powerful diction,五六七段的三个好处可以概括好从appeal to logoes等) and appeals to pathos.
By stating the benefits of space technology research as “a strong component of our national fabric and is the largest positive contributor to our nation’s trade balance” 此句缺主语indicate the importance of aerospace. It convince the audience that they must perform or invest in research to strengthen the country. Moreover, Bobby also convince his audience by presenting NASA’s past projects, for example the Apollo missions, the space shuttle and the International Space Station to impress the audience further and compare to today’s NASA. This further persuade audience that they must do something.

Bobby Braun’s argument is also strengthened by connecting to the audience.he called the younger generation that studying science at school and the people working for NASA at this moment the key ingredient to our country's future and America’s technological leadership position in the world. This inspired the nationalism inside audiences’ heart, (逗号不能连接两个句子)they acknowledge the fact that the whole country’s future (缺谓语is )counting on them, causing(leading) them to devote in(themselves to) aerospace research. Not only the students and researchers he is targeting to, he also informs other people that a lot of the technology we are using today like cameras, computers, solar and wind energy and even transportation are(不是被动态,删去) benefited from our nation’s investments in aerospace technology.

Most importantly, Bobby appeals to pathos, he challenges the audience by quoting a young president’s challenge nearly 50 years ago, “organize and measure the best of our energies and skills”. Indicating that NASA made a lasting imprint on the economic, national security and geopolitical landscape of the time. We have to keep up with the good(wonderful) work to prove our ancestors that we can do the same today. It is why NASA was built and we can do better.

We can still do great according to Bobby Braun, the younger generation, researchers have to show why NASA was built and are able to work for the best of our nation.


本文能理解主旨,但遗漏重要细节,分析角度不足,语法错误较多,建议参照课堂说过的范文进行修改。
阅读:3分;分析:2分;写作:3分
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