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(评分3-2-2)OG P470 essay

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发表于 2018-7-14 08:02:07 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
The author Jimmy carter in order to tells audience developed the industry should not be exploit by the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. He effectively builds his argument by using his personal acedote, pathos about his personal example, and diction syntax tone.
The author starts his article off by provides a background about the Arctic National Wildlife Refyge and describes some kinds of animals live in Arctic area; then he memarized a trip with her wife in Arctic. The author uses the word “magnificent” word to describes the environment of the Arctic to be a stark contrast with the next passages about the industry factory to build in Arctic.  Furthermore, he insulates an experience with his wife, there are a amount of caribou live in calves. The author hopes to see caribou during the trip, but the flood was coming in the moments; “with the sounds of the turning animals and clicking hooves filling the air.” The author uses hyperbole stylistic to illustrate how are the amount of caribou urgency to run out of the dangerous. Next, “The dramatic procession of the Porcupine caribou here’d was a once-in-a-lifetime wildlife spectacle.” The author uses “dramatic” word to emphasize how Arctic is a special birthplace and foreshadow with the next passages.
The author’s argument is also furthered by he uses logos and the word choice authoritative sources. By first he uses ethos to urgency the Republican and Democratic presidents to builds lows about protest the value of the unique wildlife. However, he uses the number of  Arctic National Wildlife animals “8.9 millions-acre”  before the lows created and compared with the number “more then 100 million acres of national parks, refuges, and forests in Alaska” to contrast the valuable of  the arctic. The author still emphasizes the good way of the safeguards by using “monumental legislation” these authority words, to further the benefit of the Arctic neutral resources. Because the shocke benefit and perfect organic resources, the author uses ethos  to provided many countries wanted to occupy the resources. But American people recognize these neutral resources can not be repeat again, the author reinforces his points by glorify the American governments struggle to safeguard their human rights.
In the end, the author uses logos to persuade his audience the value of the oil resources in Arctic are not waited more than the environment of the Arctic. “The Arctic Refugr might provide 1 to 2 percent of  the oil our country consumes each day.” This rhetorical question tugs at the reader’s heartstrings: while people can economize the ole resources in vehicles that can subtract the value from Arctic, to build a more recycle generation.
        The author writing by provides the personal experience and evidences, logos, ethos and the authority of the word choice to persuade his audience for Arctic National resources can not be exploit by human factories and industry.      

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发表于 2018-7-14 16:49:52 | 显示全部楼层
The authorJimmy carter in order to tells audience developed the industry should not beexploit by the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. (首句表意不清,建议结合文末的提示语概括)He effectively builds hisargument by using his personal acedote, pathos about his personal example(appeals to pathos), anddiction syntax tone(tactful diction).

The authorstarts his article off by provides(providing) a background about the Arctic NationalWildlife Refuge and describes(describing) some kinds of animals live(删去,一个句子只能有一个谓语) in Arctic area; thenhe memarized a trip with her wife in Arctic. The author uses the word“magnificent” to describes(去s) the environment of the Arctic to be a starkcontrast(contrasting starkly) with the next passages about the industry factory to build(facilities to be built) inArctic.  Furthermore, he insulates(?) an experience with his wife, thereare a amount(number) of caribou live(living) in calves. The author hopes to see caribou duringthe trip, but the flood was coming in the moments; “with the sounds of theturning animals and clicking hooves filling the air.” The author uses hyperbolestylistic(删去) to illustrate how are the amount of caribou urgency to run out of thedangerous(表意不清). Next, “The dramatic procession of the Porcupine caribou here’d was aonce-in-a-lifetime wildlife spectacle.” The author uses “dramatic” words toemphasize how Arctic is a special birthplace and foreshadow with the nextpassages.
主体段落一首句先交代个人经历的分析视角,然后用引用或自己语言概括的方式把作者的经历表述出来,不要拆分成三个关系,本身就是一个经历。然后分析对主旨的作用和如何影响读者。

The author’sargument is also furthered by he uses(appealing to) logos and the word choice authoritativesources(这是另一个分析视角,不能合并一起写). By first he uses ethos(为什么又变成ethos) to urgency(urge) the Republican and Democraticpresidents to builds(to后面要跟动词原形) lows(?) about protest(介词后面的动词要加ing) the value of the unique wildlife.However, he uses the number of  Arctic National Wildlife animals “8.9millions-acre”  before the lows created and compared with the number“more then 100 million acres of national parks, refuges, and forests in Alaska”to contrast the valuable of  the arctic. The author still emphasizesthe good way of the safeguards by using “monumental legislation” theseauthority words, to further 此处缺动词illustrate the benefit of the Arctic neutral resources.Because the shocke benefit and perfect organic resources,(表意不清) the author usesethos(段落提到logos,后面就要摆事实讲道理,不要又分析民族情怀)  to provides many countries wanted(表意不清) to occupy the resources. ButAmerican people recognize these neutral(realize that natural) resources can not be repeat again(reproducible), theauthor reinforces his points by glorify(urging) the American governments struggle tosafeguard their human rights.

In the end,the author uses logos to persuade his audience the value of the oil resourcesin Arctic are not waited more than the environment of the Arctic. “The ArcticRefugr might provide 1 to 2 percent of  the oil our country consumeseach day.” This rhetorical question tugs at the reader’s heartstrings: whilepeople can economize the ole resources in vehicles that can subtract the valuefrom Arctic, to build a more recycle generation.
数据等证据都属于logoes注意分析的时候聚焦于一个视角,主体段落二和三要区分开,主体段落三字数不足。

        The author writing by provides thepersonal experience and evidences, logos, ethos and the authority of the wordchoice(权威和措辞是两码事) to persuade his audience for(that) Arctic National resources can not beexploit(被动态加ed) by human factories and industry.

文章语法错误较多,分析视角不明确,建议修改。
阅读:3分;分析:2分;写作:2分

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