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(评分3-2-3)E班方法班写作作业1:OG P356

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发表于 2018-7-12 22:32:26 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
Environmental change caused byhuman has affected not only our lives, but many other endanger animals indifferent ways over the years. President Jimmy Carter builds up his argument togain support from readers that industries shall not invade the Arctic NationalWildlife Refuge, with the fact that it is “America’s last truly greatwilderness”.
               Cartermemorizes his personal experience in the regions of the Arctic Refuge in orderto show the excellent view he gets in the regions. For instance, he states “we walkedalong ancient caribou trails and studied the brilliant mosaic of wildflowers...lumberalong braid rivers that meander toward the Beaufort Sea.” How beautiful it isto even imagine a scene like what he draws, which gives a wonderful impressionto the audience about the environment in those regions, pushing them to lookforward to seeing caribou, wildflowers and sunset in their eyes one day.
               Whilesharing his hiking experience, Carter emphasizes the vivacious playground ofthe animals ---- the Arctic Refuge filling with peace and joy. Personificationlike “Dall sheep cling”, “wolves howl”, other amazement like “the sweep oftundra” and “clicking hooves filling the air”, especially “migration of tens ofthousands of caribou with their newborn calves”. He uses specific types ofanimals that are actually living as examples to reveal how wonderful life is inthe Arctic Refuge, rouses up the audience with sympathy, also recall his generalpoint ---- gaining support from them to stop industries from developing in thearea.
               Further more,Carter connects the vast implications of bias presented via the recognition by bothRepublican and Democratic presidents. One treaty was signed by Dwight D.Eisenhower to protect the original 8.9 million acre Arctic Range, another Actwas signed by Carter twenty years later, protecting more than 100 million acresof national area. It makes Cater seems more reliable to the audience, since theirpresident, no matter which sides they are supporting, realize the Arctic Refugeis a place that needed to be protect anyway.
Last but not least, though theregion could provide oil resources, it is a “short-term economic gain”according to Cater. He argues, if we use resources more wisely, the gap ofenergy conserves in the Arctic could be easily filled up, or even more than the1 to 2 percent oil consumes every day that the Arctic could provide. Again, whywould we want to break the perfect balance in the Arctic Refuge, destroy livesof animals and to get that oil resources we could’ve saved by changing our way?
The information Carter provides isso comprehensive that there seem to be no reason to reject. His uses of references,touching experiences as well as historical resources, all refer to a concreteargument that he wants to leave this extraordinary land alone.

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发表于 2018-7-13 15:00:29 | 显示全部楼层
Environmental change caused by human(加s) has affected not only our lives, but many other endanger(加ed) animals in different ways over the years. President Jimmy Carter builds up his argument to gain support from readers that industries shall not invade the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, with the fact that it is “America’s last truly greatwilderness”. 首段要交代三个分析视角,从而引出下文。
               Carter memorizes his personal experience in the regions of the Arctic Refuge in order to show the excellent view he gets in the regions. For instance, he states “we walked along ancient caribou trails and studied the brilliant mosaic of wildflowers...lumberalong braid rivers that meander toward the Beaufort Sea.” How beautiful it is to even imagine a scene like what he draws, which gives a wonderful impression to the audience about the environment in those regions, pushing them to lookforward to seeing caribou, wildflowers and sunset in their eyes one day. 未阐明该个人经历与主旨的关系,并建议再添加一句个人经历的baseline作用结束该段。
               While sharing his hiking experience, Carter emphasizes the vivacious playground of the animals ---- the Arctic Refuge filling with peace and joy. Personificationlike “Dall sheep cling”, “wolves howl”, other amazement like “the sweep oftundra” and “clicking hooves filling the air”, especially “migration of tens ofthousands of caribou with their newborn calves”. He uses specific types of animals that are actually living as examples to reveal how wonderful life is in the Arctic Refuge, rouses up the audience with sympathy,(此处需另起一句 He)also recall his general point ---- gaining support from them to stop industries from developing in the area. 该段其实还是在说个人经历,需与前段合并。
               Furthermore ,Carter connects the vast implications of bias presented via the recognition by both Republican and Democratic presidents. (首句应先交代historical evidence,然后再说明具体内容)One treaty was signed by Dwight D.Eisenhower to protect the original 8.9 million acre Arctic Range, another Actwas signed by Carter twenty years later, protecting more than 100 million acresof national area. It makes Cater seems more reliable to the audience, since their president, no matter which sides they are supporting, realize the Arctic Refugeis a place that needed to be protect anyway.
              Last but not least, though the region could provide oil resources, it is a “short-term economic gain”according to Cater. He argues, if we use resources more wisely, the gap ofenergy conserves in the Arctic could be easily filled up, or even more than the1 to 2 percent oil consumes every day that the Arctic could provide. Again, why would we want to break the perfect balance in the Arctic Refuge, destroy livesof animals and to get that oil resources we could’ve saved by changing our way?(此段其实是persuasive elements里的appeal to pathos,首句要先点明。后面还要结合与主旨的关系进行分析,而非用反问句结束本段)
              The information Carter provides is so comprehensive that there seem to be no reason to reject. His uses of references,touching experiences as well as historical resources, all refer to a concreteargument that he wants to leave this extraordinary land alone.

全文429个词,字数偏少。阅读:3分;分析:2分;写作:3分

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