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(评分4-3-2)Let There Be Darkness

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发表于 2018-6-24 07:49:58 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
        Darkness at night, which provide the solitude, quite and stillness for the living creature. Paul Bogard builds a solid argument by utilizes concrete evidences, logical reasoning and persuasive appeals to persuade his audience that natural darkness should be preserved.
        Paul first start with the how the artificial night light affect the human health and nocturnal species. Paul provide the quotes from “World Health Organization” and “American Medical Association”-“working the night shift as a probable human carcinogen” and “light pollution reduction efforts and glare reduction efforts at both the national and state levels”-to establish the credibility, that human bodies need darkness to produce the hormone melatonin, to keep certain cancers from developing, Not only human needs the darkness to “survive”, but also the animal does, such as the nocturnal and crepuscular species of birds, insects, mammals, fish and reptile. Paul using numerical information “80%” and “400”. The “80%” represents the lights pollution in the would, and the “400” is to demonstrate how many birds are migrating at night and how many sea turtles that come ashore to lay their eggs. Many animals doing their missions during the night. If people keeping produce light in the night, it would breaking the balance of ecosystem. By using the statistics datas from the animal would arouse the sympathy inside human’s deep in order to let people realize the paucity of light, and aware people that natural darkness should e preserved.
        Paul then go with the light at the night would wasted energy and dollars. “… the amount if light in the sky increases and average of about 6% … show that what was a very dark country as recently as the 1950 is now nearly covered with a blanket of light”. This information shows the light has become popular in daily life, and most the dark country has become lighter. As the common knowledges, more light would cost more money and wasted more energy, the energy using is where the light pollution come from. To reduce the amount of light using would reduce the pollution, save the planet as well as give the next generation a great view of night.
        Paul concluded with an appeal to inspire people to utilize the LED light to reduce the light pollution, by using the word “readily” to demonstrate that the light pollution is not a problem that beyond control, instead, people can solve the pollution by using new technologies. And using North American and Europe as the examples shows this two continents starts realize the irreplaceable values and the beauty of the darkness and start use the LED light to avoid wasted energy. By shows this two continent in order to promote more people to joint this “LED team”, to save energy and most important is to preserved the natural darkness.
        Paul Bogard using humans’ health concern, nocturnal animal living habits, ecosystem, the increasingly energy use and the LED light to demonstrate the defects of artificial light and how it would affect the planet and the living creatures to persuade the audiences to aware the natural darkness is the irreplaceable value and it should be preserved.



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发表于 2018-6-24 08:54:21 | 显示全部楼层
Darkness at night, which provide(加s) the solitude, quite(词性不同,删去) and stillness for the living creature. (首句缺谓语) Paul Bogard builds a solid argument by utilizes(utilizing) concrete evidences(不可数,去s), logical reasoning and persuasive appeals to persuade his audience that natural darkness should be preserved.
        Paul first start(加s) with the(删去) how the artificial night light affect(加s) the human health and nocturnal species. Paul provide(加s) the quotes from “World Health Organization” and “American Medical Association”-“working the night shift as a probable human carcinogen” and “light pollution reduction efforts and glare reduction efforts at both the national and state levels”-to establish the credibility, that human bodies need darkness to produce the hormone melatonin, to keep certain cancers from developing, Not only human needs(humans need) the darkness to “survive”, but also the animal does, such as the nocturnal and crepuscular species of birds, insects, mammals, fish and reptile. Paul using numerical information “80%” and “400”. The “80%” represents the lights pollution in the would, and the “400” is to demonstrate how many birds are migrating at night and how many sea turtles that come ashore to lay their eggs. Many animals doing their missions during the night. If people keeping produce(keep producing) light in the night, it would breaking(去ing) the balance of ecosystem. By using the statistics datas(删去) from the animal 缺主语 would arouse the sympathy inside human’s deep in order to let people realize the paucity of light, and aware(这是形容词) people that natural darkness should be preserved.
        Paul then go(goes) with the light at the night would wasted(动词原形) energy and dollars. “… the amount if light in the sky increases and average of about 6% … show that what was a very dark country as recently as the 1950 is now nearly covered with a blanket of light”. This information shows the light has become popular in daily life, and most the dark country has become lighter. As the common knowledges, more light would cost more money and wasted more energy, the energy using is where the light pollution come from. To reduce the amount of light using would reduce the pollution, save the planet as well as give the next generation a great view of night. 此段logical reasoning分析偏弱,可以从文章的分论点层层递进来分析
        Paul concluded with an appeal to inspire people to utilize the LED light to reduce the light pollution, by using the word “readily” to demonstrate that the light pollution is not a problem that(删去) beyond control, (改为;连接后面的句子)instead, people can solve the pollution by using new technologies. And using North American and Europe as the examples shows this two continents starts realize the irreplaceable values and the beauty of the darkness and start use the LED light to avoid wasted energy. By shows this two continent in order to promote more people to joint(join) this “LED team”, to save energy and most important is(importantly,) to preserved(动词原形) the natural darkness.
        Paul Bogard using(uses) humans’ health concern, nocturnal animal living habits, ecosystem, the increasingly energy use and the LED light to demonstrate the defects of artificial light and how it would affect the planet and the living creatures to persuade the audiences(去s) to aware(realize) the natural darkness is the irreplaceable value and it should be preserved.

主旨及重要细节理解到位,但是语法很多,要注意主谓一致原则。论证脉络的分析不是很到位。
阅读:4分;分析:3分;语言:2分

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