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(评分4-4-3)Beyond Vietnam — A Time to Break Silence

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发表于 2018-3-11 05:45:47 来自手机 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
If both Blacks and Whites are risking their lives for their country, shouldn’t they be treated equally, as fearless and loyal citizens of United States? This question of moral parity tugs at readers’ heartstrings as they ruminate over Martin Luther King’s essay, which argues the unjust treatments of two races during the Vietnam War. Within his essay, King establishes his authority to appeal to Ethos, uses sharp contrast to draw readers’ attention, and provides a personal anecdote.

With the opening of the essay Martin Luther King Jr. establishes his role. He states, “I am a preacher by calling.” Society’s regards of a preacher is a saintly being who advocates for goodness, and thereby King secures his stance on the issue regarding unjust treatment of American involvement in the Vietnam War is one that targets greater benefit for the people and the society. His presence is magnified in the third paragraph when he states “For the sake of those boys...this government....the hundreds of thousands trembling under our violence, I cannot be silent.” He brings upon himself with determination the enormous responsibility of saving such a big crowd from sufferings, because as the preacher, being a bystander to people in great turmoil is unacceptable by his nature. Thus, the readers will be in support of King’s advocations because he is the symbol of peace.

Evidences of sharp contrast are scattered around King’s essay. In the first paragraph shortly following King’s self introduction, he explains the significant process he witnessed. “Shining,” “real promise,” “hopes,” “new beginnings,” depict a glorious image of United States in the process of reaching peace and goodness. However immediately he demonstrates that while in the past that was the case, things currently have took an 180 degree turn. “Broken,” “eviscerated,” “destructive” draw the readers’ attention to see a once magnificent society evolving in retrospect due to the Vietnam War. The sense of indignance is magnified in the second paragraph, when King describes the cruel and ironical treatment of black soldiers as compared to their white counterparts. He states, “Negro and white boys...kill and die together for a nation that has been unable to seat them together in the same schools.” This powerful claim strikes straight home for readers because it is the very truth, and it is very much a horrendous one. This allows readers to start reflecting on their own behaviors and to begin questioning the so-called justice of treatments of different races during the Vietnam War.

King shares a personal anecdote because talking peace and justice never beats real experience. For three years he has countless times visited the ghettos of the North, and what he witnessed were “the desperate, rejected, and angry young men” who protest that the United States using violence on its own people. The sense of dejection and oppression that we readers feel through his words are by multitude less than how King felt in that situation, and stung, did what we feel. This gives a lot of readers who can relate to this minority group a chance to empathize with these people, and for those who doesn’t share a similar experience, an opportunity to reflect on past actions that might have caused this. In short, King’s anecdote triggers the readers’ own memories. Small scale is what the readers have experienced as compared to a larger matter of injustice during the Vietnam War. King uses his anecdote to emphasize his point that if you feel unequal treatment already in with your small scale, imagine the anger the African Americans had to deal with when there’s nothing they can do about it!

With the use of establishment of authority, provision of sharp contrast and narration of an anecdote, King argues that injustice of American involvement in the Vietnam War is unacceptable. He provokes the readers to put themselves into the shoes of the minority to think and feel like they did, in order to stress the importance of equality.
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发表于 2018-3-11 08:51:39 | 显示全部楼层

If both Blacks and Whites are risking their lives for their country, shouldn’t they be treated equally as fearless and loyal citizens of United States? This question of moral parity tugs at readers’ heartstrings as they ruminate over Martin Luther King’s essay, which argues the unjust treatments of two races during the Vietnam War.(以及因此反对越战等) Within his essay, King establishes his authority to appeal to Ethos, uses sharp contrast to draw readers’ attention, and provides a personal anecdote.

With the opening of the essay Martin Luther King Jr. establishes his role. He states, “I am a preacher by calling.” Society’s regards of a preacher is a saintly being who advocates for goodness, and thereby King secures his stance on the issue regarding unjust treatment of American involvement in the Vietnam War is one that targets greater benefit for the people and the society. His presence is magnified in the third paragraph when he states “For the sake of those boys...this government....the hundreds of thousands trembling under our violence, I cannot be silent.” He brings upon himself with determination the enormous responsibility of saving such a big crowd from sufferings, because as the preacher, being a bystander to people in great turmoil is unacceptable by his nature. Thus, the readers will be in support of King’s advocations because he is the symbol of peace.

Evidences(去s) of sharp contrast are(is) scattered around King’s essay. In the first paragraph shortly following King’s self introduction, he explains the significant process he witnessed. “Shining,” “real promise,” “hopes,” “new beginnings,” depict a glorious image of United States in the process of reaching peace and goodness. However immediately he demonstrates that while in the past that was the case, things currently have took(taken) an 180 degree turn. “Broken,” “eviscerated,” “destructive” draw the readers’ attention to see a once-magnificent society evolving in retrospect(该词为反思,需改为retrogress) due to the Vietnam War. The sense of indignance is magnified in the second paragraph, when King describes the cruel and ironical treatment of black soldiers as compared to their white counterparts. He states, “Negro and white boys...kill and die together for a nation that has been unable to seat them together in the same schools.” This powerful claim strikes straight home for readers because it is the very truth, and it is very much a horrendous one. This allows readers to start reflecting on their own behaviors and to begin questioning the so-called justice of treatments of different races during the Vietnam War.

King shares a personal anecdote because talking peace and justice never beats real experience. For three years he has countless times visited the ghettos of the North, and what he witnessed were “the desperate, rejected, and angry young men” who protest that the United States was using violence on(against) its own people. The sense of dejection and oppression that we readers feel through his words are(主语是sense吗) by multitude less(表意不清) than how King felt in that situation, and stung, did what we feel. This gives a lot of readers who can relate to this minority group a chance to empathize with these people, and for those who doesn’t(主谓不一致) share a similar experience, an opportunity to reflect on past actions that might have caused this(指代不明). In short, King’s anecdote triggers the readers’ own memories. Small scale is what the readers have experienced as compared to a larger matter of injustice during the Vietnam War. King uses his anecdote to emphasize his point that if you feel unequal treatment already in with your small scale, imagine the anger the African Americans had to deal with when there’s nothing they can do about it!(感叹号一般表示抗议,不要用感叹号)

With the use of establishment of authority, provision of sharp contrast and narration of an anecdote, King argues that injustice of American involvement in the Vietnam War is unacceptable. He provokes the readers to put themselves into the shoes of the minority to think and feel like they did, in order to stress the importance of equality.

写作较之前面有比较大的提高,分析也比较到位,注意语言的锤炼。
阅读:4分;分析:4分;写作:3分

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