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(评分3-2-3)SAT OG(2018版)P356 Essay

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发表于 2017-12-31 07:04:21 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
            Jimmy Carter, a former US president,argues that the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge should not be developed forindustry. In the passage, Carter uses specific evidences and examples tosupport his argument, and he utilizes shift of tone and word choice to emphasizeand make the passage more persuasive.
            In the passage, Carter gives manyspecific and related examples to prove how important and precious the refuge is.In the first paragraph, Carter describes how polar bears, Dall sheep, and wolveslive in the refuge to give the audiences a better understanding of the refuge. Carteralso uses President Eisenhower’s policy about the preservation of a nationalwildlife range as an example to prove that wildness preservation has beensupported by most people since a long time ago, convincing more people tosupport it(Paragraph 5).
            Carter shifts the tone several timesin the passage to emphasize his claim. In the first three paragraphs, Carterdescribes the amazing view of the refuge in a cheerful tone. He then shifts toa worried and regrettable tone, describing how great the loss and how littlethe gain would be if the refuge is not preserved. In the eighth paragraph,Carter shows that he is very dedicated to the best interest of the nation andfuture generations, convincing the audiences that it is their duty to protectthe refuge.
            Carter’s word choice is anotherelement that strengthens the passage. To illustrate how important and supportedthe refuge is, Carter describes the refuge as “America’s only ArcticRefuge,”(Paragraph 4) “extraordinary,”(Paragraph 5) and “a symbol of ournational heritage.”(Paragraph 8) He also writes the proposals to open therefuge to oil drilling have failed because of “tremendous opposition” to showthe refuge is supported by many American people. The use of the words makes hisstatements strong and trustworthy.
            In conclusion, Carter wisely usesrelated and specific examples, shifts tones, and chooses emphasizing words to makepeople believe that the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge should be protected.

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发表于 2017-12-31 15:42:33 | 显示全部楼层
        Jimmy Carter, a former US president,argues that the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge should not be developed for industry. In the passage, Carter uses specific evidences(不可数,去s) and examples to support his argument, and he utilizes(删去) shift of tone(表意不清,需根据提示的三个分析角度进行概括,比如logical reasoning) and word choice to emphasize and make the passage more persuasive.
            In the passage, Carter gives many specific and related examples(首段已经表述过,需更具体阐述哪方面的证据) to prove how important and precious the refuge is.In the first paragraph, Carter describes how polar bears, Dall sheep, and wolves live in the refuge to give the audiences(集合名词,去s) a better understanding of the refuge. Carteralso uses President Eisenhower’s policy about the preservation of a national wildlife range as an example to prove that wildness preservation has beensupported by most people since a long time ago, convincing more people tosupport it(Paragraph 5). 原文二三两段都是personal evidence,属于重要细节,第五段总统的例子属于historical evidence。
            Carter shifts the tone several times in the passage to emphasize his claim. In the first three paragraphs, Carterdescribes the amazing view of the refuge in a cheerful tone. He then shifts to a worried and regrettable tone, describing how great the loss and how little the gain would be if the refuge is not preserved.(在文章具体如何体现没有概括,比如七八两段的鲜明对比) In the eighth paragraph,Carter shows that he is very dedicated to the best interest of the nation andfuture generations, convincing the audience that it is their duty to protect the refuge.
            Carter’s word choice is another element that strengthens the passage. To illustrate how important and supportedthe refuge is, Carter describes the refuge as “America’s only ArcticRefuge,”(Paragraph 4) “extraordinary,”(Paragraph 5) and “a symbol of ournational heritage.”(Paragraph 8) He also writes the proposals to open the refuge to oil drilling have failed because of “tremendous opposition” to show the refuge is supported by many American people. The use of the words makes hisstatements strong and trustworthy. 本段措辞没有深入分析与主旨的关系,和如何从情感上影响读者,只是泛泛而谈。
            In conclusion, Carter wisely uses related and specific examples, shifts tones, and chooses emphasizing words to make people believe that the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge should be protected.

字数太少,只有304个词,需再增加一倍。文章缺乏重要细节的概括分析,分析不到位,句式缺乏多样性。
阅读:3分;分析:2分;写作:3分

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