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(评分3-2-3)Let There be Dark 方法班第13次课作业

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发表于 2018-3-4 06:50:13 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式

Paul Bogard effectively persuades his audience that natural darkness should be preserved. He accomplishes this through making connections with his audience, using scientific explanations, and posing rhetorical questions.

In the beginning, Paul Bogard uses anecdotes to grab the audience's attention and make the topic more immediate for the reader. Bogard said he could see the "meteors left smoky trails across sugary spreads of stars" at his family cabin in Minnesota. However, he cannot imagine when "8 of 10 children born in the U.S. will never know a sky dark enough for the Milky Way" because he know what the wonderful dark sky can offer him as well as to others. In addition, Bodard says: "...as we cheer...let us also remember..." The words "we" and "us" help Bodard to make a connection to his audience and establish a sense of relevancy to the reader. Moreover, Bogard recounts a story when he spent his summers at the northern lake that the darkness there is diminishing. He implies that even on his vacation, he could not enjoy the beautiful darkness, and the night shines bright like it is in the morning. After Bogard made a connection with the audience, he supports his argument with scientific reasoning.
     In a scientific and health perspective, the author suggests bright nights break the balance of day and night and can potentially cause health issues. For example, Bogard stresses the importance of darkness by referring to the World Health Organization, which "classifies working the night shift as a probable human carcinogen." So, the reduction of natural darkness is not only an aesthetic problem, but is also a cancer trigger. The author further explains a recent research that "suggests one main cause of "short sleep" is "long night"", and sleep disorders cause diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease, and depression. This should persuade the audience to contemplate on the harmful effects of taking away dark nights.
     Paul Bogard further build his argument through a series of rhetorical questions. In an attempt to point out the relationship between natural darkness and creativity, Bogard inquire the reader: "How would Van Gogh have given the world his "Starry Night"?" In other words, Van Gogh would not have created his master piece in a night with glowing electric lights. Furthermore, the author argues: "Who knows that this vision of the night sky might inspire in each of us, in our children or grandchildren?" By posing a question about inspiration, Bogard invites his audience to imagine the endless possibilities from the inspiration of the dark night.
    In summary, Paul Bogard uses connection with audience, scientific evidence and reasoning, and rhetorical questions to advocate the significance of natural darkness. He persuades his audience that darkness is benificial to both the health of people and to the creativity of the young minds.

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发表于 2018-3-4 19:16:05 | 显示全部楼层

Paul Bogard effectively persuades his audience that natural darkness should be preserved. He accomplishes this through making connections with his audience(personal anectode), using scientific explanations, and posing(allusion to authority and) rhetorical questions.

In the beginning, Paul Bogard uses anecdotes to grab the audience's attention and make the topic more immediate for the reader. Bogard said he could see the "meteors left smoky trails across sugary spreads of stars" at his family cabin in Minnesota. 此处的个人经历还没展开分析(比如与主旨有何关联,如何影响读者等),就直接跳到后面的数据和we,分析不到位,须一以贯之分析一个角度。However, he cannot imagine when "8 of 10 children born in the U.S. will never know a sky dark enough for the Milky Way" because he know what the wonderful dark sky can offer him as well as to others. In addition, Bodard says: "...as we cheer...let us also remember..." The words "we" and "us" help Bodard to make a connection to his audience and establish a sense of relevancy to the reader. Moreover, Bogard recounts a story when he spent his summers at the northern lake that the darkness there(删去) is diminishing. He implies that even on his vacation, he could not enjoy the beautiful darkness, and the night shines bright like it is in the morning.(此句与首段信息有偏差) After Bogard made a connection with the audience, he supports his argument with scientific reasoning(evidence by appealing to authority).(注意段末一般是总结本段分析视角)
    In a scientific and health perspective,(删去,并把前段末句移到此处) the author suggests bright nights break the balance of day and night and can potentially cause health issues. For example, Bogard stresses the importance of darkness by referring to the World Health Organization, which "classifies working the night shift as a probable human carcinogen." So, the reduction of natural darkness is not only an aesthetic problem, but is also a cancer trigger. The author further explains a recent research that "suggests one main cause of "short sleep" is "long night"", and sleep disorders cause diabetes, obesity, cardiovascular disease, and depression. This should persuade the audience to contemplate on the harmful effects of taking away dark nights. 权威机构客观事实的作用是什么,如何影响读者?否则字数不足,分析不到位。
     Paul Bogard further build(加s) his argument through a series of rhetorical questions. In an attempt to point out the relationship between natural darkness and creativity, Bogard inquire the reader: "How would Van Gogh have given the world his "Starry Night"?" In other words, Van Gogh would not have created his master piece(此为合成词,需合并) in a night with glowing electric lights. 该修辞与作者主旨什么关联,如何影响读者?Furthermore, the author argues: "Who knows that this vision of the night sky might inspire in each of us, in our children or grandchildren?" 第二个修辞问句的意思是什么也需要解释说明By posing a question about inspiration, Bogard invites his audience to imagine the endless possibilities from the inspiration of the dark night.
    In summary, Paul Bogard uses connection with audience, scientific evidence and reasoning(删去), and rhetorical questions to advocate the significance of natural darkness. He persuades his audience that darkness is benificial to both the health of people and to the creativity of the young minds.(文章重要细节,如对ecology的影响没有提到)


全文464个词,字数偏少,分析不到位。阅读:3分;分析:2分;写作:3分


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