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(评分3-3-3)作文 - 方法班essay讲义(170801版) p13 Let There be.

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发表于 2018-3-4 04:16:11 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
Human beings seek light naturally, which leads them to develop technology in order to get rid of darkness. However, Paul Bogard establishes his idea that night needs to be protected from artificial light in “Let There be Dark” by using ethos, statistic evidence, and metaphor.
The author suggests that he is not alone in support the preservation of darkness. As he writes in his article, “Already the World Health Organization classifies working the night shift as a probable human carcinogen, and the American Medical Association has voiced its unanimous support for ‘light pollution reduction efforts and glare reduction efforts at both the national and state levels.’” By introducing the World Health Organization and the American Medical Association, the narrator connects his argument with two trustworthy authorities in the health field, which not only underlines the idea that darkness’ reduction could cause significant damage to human body, but also increases his own reliability. The implication that Bogard’s argument is supported by two well-known organizations makes the audience more likely to believe in his statement and thus helps persuation become easier. Later the author states that “Computer images if the United States at night, based on NASA photographs, show that what was a blanket of light.” The narrator suggests that his conclusion is based on photographs from NASA, which increases his words’ trustworthiness due to NASA’s authority in space and sky fields. This bring the audience closer to Bogard with such convincing evidence and sources, which further establishes the point that darkness is crucial.
Besides ethos, statistic evidence is another useful technique the author used in his article. In the beginning of the article, the narrator says that “But now, when 8 of 10 children born in the United States will never know a sky dark enough for the Milky Way, I worry we are rapidly losing night’s natural darkness before realizing its worth.” The “8 of 10” shows the large portion of children nowadays in United States who aren’t able to observe true night where Milky Way can be seen. It provides solid evidence for Bogard’s claim to emphasize the fact that darkness is demolishing. The statistic used here also instore credibility to the author’s argument, which improves the idea’s quality.
Metaphor is another tool Bogard used to underline his argument. As the author states that “Ecological light pollution is like the bulldozer of the night, wrecking habitat and disrupting ecosystem several billion years in the making.”, the narrator suggests the similarities between light pollution and bulldozer and their effects in destruction, which suggests light pollution’s significance and its potential ability in disrupting ecosystem since bulldozer is a strong ecosystem destructor as well. This implies the urgency in restore night in nature and prevents artificial light.
By using ethos, statistic evidence, and metaphor, the author states
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发表于 2018-3-4 18:26:43 | 显示全部楼层
Human beings seek light naturally, which leads them to develop technology in order to get rid of darkness. However, Paul Bogard establishes his idea that night needs to be protected from artificial light in “Let There be Dark” by using(appealing to) ethos, statistic(statistical) evidence, and metaphor.
The author suggests that he is not alone in support(supporting) the preservation of darkness. As he writes in his article, “Already the World Health Organization classifies working the night shift as a probable human carcinogen, and the American Medical Association has voiced its unanimous support for ‘light pollution reduction efforts and glare reduction efforts at both the national and state levels.’” By introducing the World Health Organization and the American Medical Association, the narrator connects his argument with two trustworthy authorities in the health field, which not only underlines the idea that darkness’ reduction could cause significant damage to human body, but also increases his own reliability. The implication that Bogard’s argument is supported by two well-known organizations makes the audience more likely to believe in his statement and thus helps persuation become easier. Later the author states that “Computer images if the United States at night, based on NASA photographs, show that what was a blanket of light.” The narrator suggests that his conclusion is based on photographs from NASA, which increases his words’ trustworthiness due to NASA’s authority in space and sky fields. This bring the audience closer to Bogard with such convincing evidence and sources, which further establishes the point that darkness is crucial.主体段落一不是ethos民族精神,而是authority,而且整段话选择文中最有代表的一到两处权威机构证明分析即可,不需要面面俱到。注意段落首句应该是中心句,点出本段的分析角度,而不是泛泛而谈作者的主旨是什么。

Besides ethos, statistic(修改同上)
evidence is another useful technique the author used in his article. In(At) the beginning of the article, the narrator says that “But now, when 8 of 10 children born in the United States will never know a sky dark enough for the Milky Way, I worry we are rapidly losing night’s natural darkness before realizing its worth.” The “8 of 10” shows the large portion of children nowadays in the United States who aren’t able to observe true night where Milky Way can be seen(unable to appreciate the sky dark enough for the Milky Way). It provides solid evidence(foundation用词注意多样) for Bogard’s claim to emphasize the fact that darkness is demolishing(demolish表去除,用词不当,dwindling). The statistic used here also instore(lends) credibility to the author’s argument, which improves the idea’s quality.(段末要同义替换作者的主旨)


Metaphor is another tool Bogard used to underline his argument. As the author states that “Ecological light pollution is like the bulldozer of the night, wrecking habitat and disrupting ecosystem several billion years in the making.”, the narrator suggests the similarities between light pollution and bulldozer and their effects in destruction, which suggests light pollution’s significance and its potential ability in disrupting ecosystem since bulldozer is a strong ecosystem destructor as well. This implies the urgency in restore night in nature and prevents artificial light.

By using ethos, statistic evidence, and metaphor, the author states。。。(结尾段没有写完,呼应首段即可)


全文476个词,字数偏少,主体段落二和三缺乏深入分析,比如如何影响读者达到理性和感性的共鸣等。主体段落三只是个比喻单独成段有点单薄,建议后面再分析修辞问句或措辞等。

阅读:3分;分析:3分;写作:3分
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