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(评分3-3-3)-新SAT方法班写作讲义(170801版)p13-Let there be

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发表于 2017-12-24 08:04:51 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
PaulBogard uses several effective techniques such as creditable evidences withdata, precise word choice with strong connotation, and coherent passagestructure and reasoning to persuade his audience that natural darkness shouldbe preserved.
            Bogard uses many trustable evidences and data through outthe passage to support his argument. In the first paragraph, Bogard points outthat “8 of 10” American children never experienced a night without artificiallight, demonstrating that the topic of this passage affects almost everyone,catching audiences’ attention. Bogard then uses a quote from American MedicalAssociation, showing the harm of artificial lights, improving the credibilityof his passage. By providing these evidences, Bogard conveys a sense of urgencyand need of preserving natural darkness, making his tone more convincing. Healso uses Van Gogh’s famous work “Starry Night” as an example to support hisargument, implying that preserving natural nights not only prevents diseases,but also gives people an unreplaceable view and other many unmentionedbenefits.
            Based on the established evidence, Bogard skillfullyarranges his wordings to further strengthen his argument. He comparesecological light pollution to a “bulldozer of the night” to indicate that lightpollution is really destructive to the ecosystem, demonstrating the importanceof preserving natural darkness. Bogard also creates a connection with hisaudience by asking what would the night sky inspire “in our children orgrandchildren,” making the threat of artificial lights more immediate. Bogard’sword choice helps him establish a convincing tone.
            With strong evidences and precise choice, Bogard utilizesreasoning and arranges the structure of the passage to make this passagecoherent and effective. In the first and second paragraphs, Bogard proposes aproblem by telling a personal anecdote. He then explains why artificial lightis harmful in paragraphs three to six, giving information to convince hisaudiences. In the last paragraph, he gives out several means that have beenused by several countries to lower light pollution. The strong structure makeshis argument clear and convincing.
            By using creditable evidences with data, precise wordchoice with strong connotation, and coherent passage structure and reasoning,Bogard makes a very convincing argument that persuades his audience thatnatural darkness should be preserved.

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发表于 2017-12-24 14:45:07 | 显示全部楼层
            Paul Bogard uses several effective techniques such as creditable evidences(不可数,去s) with  data, precise word choice with strong connotation, and coherent passage structure and reasoning to persuade his audience that natural darkness should be preserved.
            Bogard uses many trustable evidences and data through out(evidence such as data and ahthority) the passage to support his argument. In the first paragraph, Bogard points out that “8 of 10” American children never experienced a night without artificiallight, demonstrating that the topic of this passage affects almost everyone, (此处缺连词and) catching audiences’ attention. Bogard then uses a quote from American Medical Association, showing the harm of artificial lights,此处缺连词and) improving the credibility of his passage. By providing these evidence, Bogard conveys a sense of urgency and need(重复,删去) of preserving natural darkness, making his tone more convincing. He also uses Van Gogh’s famous work “Starry Night” as an example to support his argument, implying that preserving natural nights(darkness) not only prevents diseases,but also gives people an unreplaceable view and other many unmentioned benefits.(要用furthermore点出其他权威机构证据,而不是泛泛而谈其他的好处)
            Based on the established evidence, Bogard skillfully arranges his wordings to further strengthen his argument. He compares ecological light pollution to a “bulldozer of the night” to indicate that light pollution is really destructive to the ecosystem, demonstrating the importance of preserving natural darkness. 该比喻如何影响读者没有分析。Bogard also creates a connection with his audience by asking what would(删除,肯定句不需要倒装) the night sky would inspire “in our children or grandchildren,” making the threat of artificial lights more immediate. Bogard’s word choice helps him establish a convincing tone.修辞问句要先用自己的语言交代清楚,再解释其意涵,以及对文章主旨的作用。
            With strong evidence and precise choice, Bogard utilizes reasoning and arranges the structure of the passage to make this passage coherent and effective. In the first and second paragraphs, Bogard proposes a problem by telling a personal anecdote. He then explains why artificial light is harmful in paragraphs three to six, giving information to convince his audiences.(三个分论点是什么需要交代清楚) In the last paragraph, he gives out several means that have been used by several countries to lower light pollution. The strong structure makes his argument clear and convincing.
            By using creditable evidence with data, precise word choice with strong connotation, and coherent passage structure and reasoning,Bogard makes a very convincing argument that persuades his audience thatnatural darkness should be preserved. 句式缺乏多样性,末段表述要跟首段有所区别

全文331个词,字数不足。交代了主旨,但缺乏重要细节的交代。分析不到位,句式缺乏多样性,文章有些许语法错误。
阅读:3分;分析:3分;写作:3分

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