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(评分3-3-3)-新SAT方法班写作讲义(170801版)p13-Let there be

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发表于 2017-12-24 03:46:52 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
Asmore artificial lights are being used and the light pollution becomes one ofthe most serious problem of the world. The author, Paul Bogard, wrote hisarticle “Let There Be Dark” to emphasize his opinion that natural darknessshould be preserved by using anecdote, statistic figures, and comparisons.
Asthe beginning of the passage, in order to attract the readers, Bogard started with his own storyin Minnesota. By describing his hands are disappeared in the dark woods, heprovides a brief introduction what natural darkness was like. In this way,readers may have similar feelings about this common scene. This anecdote alsoestablishes historical background for audience, which can make a comparisonbetween darkness in the past and nowadays. As a reader, I can easily understandhis passage because his own experience is a common around us. The article isalso more believable in this way.
Theauthor supported his opinion by using a statistic figures---“8 of 10 childrenborn in…milky way”. By using this accurate data, the author provides an obviousevidence about that the natural darkness is rapidly losing. Without theevidence, I would evaluate the situation plainly. Statistic figure provides awonderful was for readers to realize that light pollution is already spreaddramatically. The article is more accurate and formal because he adds the realdata into it, and as a reader, it is much easier for me to understand even if Iknow nothing about pollution.
Lastly,by using rhetorical questions, the author challenges the audience to thinkabout the effects of natural darkness. He thinks that Van Gogh would not havebeen finish his painting “Starry Night” with modern world light. And how wewould think about the night sky. The connection between audience and the authorhas been built this way. I would like to think about his questions and relatemy thinking to his opinion. The author inspires his audience not only to readhis article briefly, but also think about it deeply in their minds. His strongconcern about the natural darkness and the emergency of preserving the dark isalso demonstrated in his question. As the audiences are been touched by hissadness and concern from his heart, they have also thought and influenced byBogardd’s opinion. The article effectively spreads the opinion about protectionon darkness by the author by using these questions that are interesting andworth to think.
Writingin a formal but attractive way, Paul Bogard uses his interesting anecdote,accurate statistic figure, and rhetorical questions to emphasize his idea:natural darkness should be preserved. He makes an great impression for hisaudience.
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发表于 2017-12-24 14:24:16 | 显示全部楼层
As more artificial lights are being used and the light pollution becomes one of the most serious problem(加s) of the world. The author, Paul Bogard, wrote his article “Let There Be Dark” to emphasize his opinion that natural darkness should be preserved by using anecdote, statistic figures(statistics), and comparisons.

As(At) the beginning of the passage, in order to attract the readers, Bogard started with his own story in Minnesota. By describing his hands are disappeared in the dark woods, he provides a brief introduction what natural darkness was like. In this way,readers may have similar feelings about this common(beautiful) scene. This anecdote also establishes historical background for audience, which can make a comparison between darkness in the past and nowadays. As a reader, I can easily understand his passage because his own experience is a common around us. The article is also more believable in this way.
分析太空泛,具体多么吸引人没有深入说明,比如sugary star的描写。如何引起读者共鸣,吸引读者往下看并没有阐述清楚。

此处缺乏过渡The author supported his opinion by using a statistic figures---“8 of 10 childrenborn in…milky way”. By using this accurate data, the author provides an obvious evidence about that the natural darkness is rapidly losing.(此处表述有误,只能说明看到的人很少) Without the evidence, I would evaluate the situation plainly. Statistic figure provides a wonderful was(?) for readers to realize that light pollution is already spread(加ing) dramatically. The article is more accurate and formal because he adds the real data into it, and as a reader, (删除)it is much easier for me(readers) to understand even if I know nothing about pollution.
此段分析太单薄,文章还有多处其他重要的权威机构证据没有写出来。

Lastly,by using rhetorical questions, the author challenges the audience to think about the effects of natural darkness. He thinks that Van Gogh would not have been finish(fineished) his painting “Starry Night” with modern world light. And how we would think about the night sky.(这个句子要表明什么?) The connection between audience and the author has been built this way.(本句并未解释文章如何影响读者) I would like to think about his questions and relate my thinking to his opinion. The author inspires his audience not only to read his article briefly, but also think about it deeply in their minds. His strong concern about the natural darkness and the emergency of preserving the dark is also demonstrated in his question(question的内容要引述). As the audiences(去掉s) are been(删去) touched by his sadness and concern from his heart, they have also thought and influenced by Bogardd’s opinion. The article effectively spreads the opinion about protection on darkness by the author by using these questions that are interesting andworth to think.(最后两句分析太空泛)

Writing in a formal but attractive way, Paul Bogard uses his interesting anecdote,accurate statistic figure, and rhetorical questions to emphasize his idea:natural darkness should be preserved. He makes an(a) great impression for(on) his audience.

全文404个词,字数不足。文章点明了主旨,但没有交代一些重要细节没。分析太空泛,文章结构清晰,但是语法错误较多。
阅读:3分;分析:3分;写作:3分

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