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(评分4-3-3)新SAT OG P203作文:ban of plastic bags

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发表于 2017-1-2 08:44:06 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
  “Paper or plastic?” is a question that often gets asked among the society. In response to the question, writer Adams B. Summers argues that plastic shopping bags should not be banned. He effectively builds his argument by using authoritative source, emotions and other evidences.

        Summers utilize raw statistics and facts, as presented by the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, in order to persuade his audience that plastic bags should not be banned. He begins with statistics saying that “plastic bags, sacks, and wraps of all kinds make up only about 1.6 percent of all municipal solid waste materials.” This conveys that only a small percentage of everyday items that are discarded by the public contains plastic bag kind of materials. In fact, the statistic also states that only 0.3 percent of municipal solid waste materials are plastic grocery bags, which evokes his audience that plastic bag are not as harmful to the environment as the society thought it would be. Summers not only references important agencies, but also include professor from the University of Pennsylvania, Jonathan Klick and professor from George Mason University, Joshua D. Wright. This two professors found that “San Francisco's plastic bag ban in 2007 resulted in a subsequent spike in hospital emergency room visits,” which show the readers that the ban of plastic bags causes health issue and proves Summers’ argument once again. The  inclusion of the agency and the professors make Summer’s essay credible and trustworthy because the readers are confident of what they are told is true.

        Summers furthermore uses emotional approach to convince his audience that plastic bags should not be banned. In the beginning of the essay, he use key phrases such as “Senate narrowly voted down” to make the reader feel the process as if he is actual voting. He makes the readers feel involved and feel disrespected by the government. Summers not only used key phrase to intrigues the reader, but also used strong words such as “pony up” and “the storm” in the end of his essay to represent the negative effect that caused by the ban of plastic bags, which makes the reader concern about the future society. Moreover, Summers points several assumptions in order to prove to the readers why they should choose plastic bag. Such as “The plastic bag ban would threaten the roughly 2,000 California jobs in the plastic bag manufacturing and recycling industry.” He used this claim to show the negative effect of the ban plastic bag and also makes the readers feel accusable of taking others job.

        Summers not only uses statistics and emotions to pursue his readers, but also uses specific directions to further establish his argument to persuade his readers. Summers uses personal pronouns such as “we” to show that he personally is a part of the eco-friendly community, not only establishing his credibility on the subject, but also aiding in his persuasion of his audience by allowing them to think he is an expert in the field. The author also lists daily activity such as picking up after your dog on a walk, collecting kitty litters and lining trash bins, which demonstrates the significance of the plastic bag on our day-to-day lives. Summers D. Wright transitions from strong personal opinions to everyday activities to make a connection to his audience.

Overall, Summer’s use of authoritative sources, emotions and other evidences establish his argument that California should not pass a law banning plastic grocery bags.


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发表于 2017-1-2 19:09:21 | 显示全部楼层
“Paper orplastic?” is a question that often gets asked among the society. In response tothe question, writer(删去) Adams B. Summers argues that plastic shoppingbags should not be banned. He effectively builds his argument by usingauthoritative source, appeal to emotions and other evidences(需点明具体哪个角度分析).

       Summers utilize(加s raw statistics and facts, as presented by theU.S. Environmental Protection Agency, in order to persuade his audience thatplastic bags should not be banned. He begins with statistics saying that“plastic bags, sacks, and wraps of all kinds make up only about 1.6 percent ofall municipal solid waste materials.” This conveys that only a small percentageof everyday items that are discarded by the public contains plastic bag kind of materials(删去). In fact, the statistic also states that only0.3 percent of municipal solid waste materials are plastic grocery bags, whichevokes his audience that plastic bag(加s arenot as harmful to the environment as the society thought it would be. Summersnot only references important agencies(后面最好括弧具体点明), but also include(加s professor from the University of Pennsylvania,Jonathan Klick and professor from George Mason University, Joshua D. Wright.This two professors found that “San Francisco's plastic bag ban in 2007resulted in a subsequent spike in hospital emergency room visits,” which showthe readers that the ban of plastic bags causes health issue and provesSummers’ argument once again. The  inclusion of the agency and theprofessors make Summer’s essay credible and trustworthy because the readers are confident of what they aretold is true(删去).

       Summers furthermore uses emotional approachappeal toconvince his audience that plastic bags should not be banned. In the beginningof the essay, he use(加s keyphrases such as “Senate narrowly voted down” to make the reader feel theprocess as if he is actual voting. He makes the readers feel involved and(删去) feel disrespected by the government. Summersnot only used key phrase to intrigue the reader, but also used strong wordssuch as “pony up” and “the storm” inat theend of his essay to represent(present)the negative effect that(删去) caused by the ban of plastic bags, which makesthe reader concern about the future society. Moreover, Summers points severalassumptions in order to prove to the readers why they should choose plastic bag(s). Such as “The plastic bag ban would threatenthe roughly 2,000 California jobs in the plastic bag manufacturing andrecycling industry.” He used this claim to show the negative effect of the banplastic bag and also makes the readers feel accusableguilty of taking(robbing) others job(others’jobs).

       Summers not only uses statistics and emotions topursue(persuade) his readers, but also uses specific directions(这是哪个角度的分析?) to further establish his argument to persuade his readers(删去).Summers uses personal pronouns such as “we” to show that he personally is apart of the eco-friendly community, not only establishing his credibility onthe subject, but also aiding in his persuasion of his audience by allowing themto think he is an expert in the field. The author also lists daily activitysuch as picking up after your dog on a walk, collecting kitty litters andlining trash bins, which demonstrates the significance of the plastic bag onour day-to-day lives. Summers D. Wright transitions from strong personalopinions to everyday activities to make a connection to his audience.本段需修改

Overall,Summer’s use of authoritative sources, emotions and other evidences establishhis argument that California should not pass a law banning plastic grocery bags.

对文章理解透彻,但是主体段落三的分析属于evidencereasoning还是stylistic elements?语法错误需修正,句式上可以再多样,只见到not only…but also的使用。
阅读:4分;分析:3分;写作:3
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