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范文(评分4-4-4)新SAT作文- Kaplan 8 tests- p140

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发表于 2016-5-11 16:12:10 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
In President Harry S. Truman’s Annual Message to the Congress on the state of the Union, he builds an argument to persuade his audience that continued investment in the nations collective welfare is based on the ideals of American democracy. In order to clear his points, President Truman has developed valid claims that are backed up with logical reasoning, as well as informative facts, and has been able to properly persuade the readers by appealing to pathos, logos, and other rhetorical strategies.
        The author, using his words and resources, give three basic goals to maintain the enduring principles of American system, and common aspirations for the future welfare and security of the people of the United States. The first goal is to guarantee the equal protection for human rights, which is one of the basic beliefs of democracy and is about people’s regard for the worth of each individual. However, since some citizens are still denied equal protection under laws, the author clearly shows the need of effective federal action as he writes “…Civil Rights points the way to corrective action by the federal government … because of the need for effective federal action, I shall send a special message…” This report definitely helps him to support his goal of ensuring equal human rights in the previous paragraph. The second goal is to protect and develop human resources, which can be given specific meaning in terms of health, education, social security, and housing. The third goal is to conserve and use the natural resources so that they can contribute most effectively to the welfare of the people. These three claims are successfully connected because the author not only points out three goals about maintaining and increasing the basic supports for an expanding future of the United States, but also draws the reader back to the idea about the connection between the nation’s collective welfare and the ideals of American democracy.
        Evidence is a key component of this passage and the author is sure to include this when presenting us with key facts. Truman references from important authorities such as the President’s Committee, and Social Security legislation. The inclusion of these evidence make this article credible and believable because we readers are confident of what we are being told is correct and truthworthy. Evidence does he also use are facts such as “…Many millions of our citizens are now protected against the loss of income with can come with unemployment…Yet our system has gaps and inconsistencies; it is only half finished.”, “Today… Whether discrimination is based on race, or color or land of origin, it is utterly contrary to American ideals of democracy.” These facts back up Truman’s first and second claims that the safeguarding of the rights and resources of American citizens is above all others and is based on the ideals of the nation’s democracy. Without evidence, his passage would not be so attractive to us readers and we would not be able to believe what he has said.
        In order to highlight his argument and persuade his audience, Truman also uses parallelism as a literacy tool. In the second paragraph, he writes “…the Congress and the President should concentrate their attention, not upon party but up the country; not upon things which divide us but upon those which bind us together…” not only to employ visual intensity to the language, but also to provide his audience with a more overall depiction of the present status. The parallelism add emotional weight to his audience, tugging at the readers’ heartstrings, and helping readers find the same targets as he does. Truman appeals to logos when stating all of his aims about what the government need to do to invest the nation’s welfare; but he also appeals to pathos because this passage not only describes a relation between citizens’ welfare and the enduring principles of American system, but also advocates all citizens to bind together striving for same goals. Throwing examples at us, “The United States has become great because we, as a people, have been able to work together for great objectives even while differing about details…” persuade the reader as well. With rhetorical strategies and direct examples, the author is clearly able to persuade the reader to shore up his claims.
        In this article, the author uses rhetorical devices, informative facts, and logical reasoning to contribute to an exceptionally well written argument. It is his utilization of these practice and more that make this article worthy of recognitIon.
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发表于 2016-5-11 17:47:34 | 显示全部楼层
第二段首句give要加s
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发表于 2016-5-11 17:47:51 | 显示全部楼层
这篇写得很好,既继承了范文的常见写作手法和句式,又避免了之前出现的语法错误,可谓进步明显。
阅读:4分;分析:4分;写作:4分。
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 楼主| 发表于 2016-5-12 16:59:23 | 显示全部楼层
好的,谢谢老师的批改
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